well just some stuff from my indian friend umang D:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when your wife is pregnant, Tension is when your girlfriend is
pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.

Dr Chopra psychotherapist wanted 'Sign board' to be
pained in front of his clinic but our Sardar painter
painted "Dr Chorpa Psycho The Rapist"

Liar:
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom

'Oh God, tonight I ask you something very special :
Make me into a television. I want to take its place and live like the TV
in my house.
Have my own special place, And have my family around ME.
To be taken seriously when I talk....
I want to be the centre of attention and be heard without interruptions
or questions.
I want to receive the same special care that theTV receives even when it
is not working.
Have the company of my dad when he arrives home from work, even when he
is tired.
And I want my mom to want me when she is sad and upset, instead of
ignoring me...
And... I want my brothers to fight to be with me...
I want to feel that family just leaves everything aside, every now and
then, just to spend some time with me.
And last but not least, ensure that I can make them all happy and
entertain them...
Lord I don't ask you for much... I just want to live like a TV.'